Terry Ambrose

Writing is like a good barbecue sauce, if it ain't bold, it ain't worth doing.

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Tim Dorsey wanted to write a wacky Easy Rider sequel

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Coconut Cowboy - Tim DorseyTim Dorsey loves Florida news headlines. Those headlines, along with small towns and black humor, fuel the Serge Storms novels readers have come to love. Dorsey’s nineteenth book in the series is Coconut Cowboy, a wacky blend of Easy Rider, a corrupt Southern town, and a serial killer out to set the world right.

For those unfamiliar with the movie, Easy Rider was a 1969 classic starring Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper. The movie was about two part-time, drug-dealing motorcyclists (Fonda and Hopper) who went in search of the “American Dream.” Fonda and Hopper’s lifestyle didn’t mix with traditional Southern values and they met a tragic end. The movie, said Dorsey, was the genesis for Coconut Cowboy.

“Basically,” said Dorsey, “the star of the books is the state of Florida. The books provide an insider’s view you won’t find in a Chamber of Commerce brochure. I love Florida and it has become my life. First, I was a journalist and then I was able to become a novelist. I consider myself lucky to be able to cull these inane facts and weird places into a job. These books come from my own passion. Readers ask if I’m a historian, but I’m just an amateur who loves history. I love to drive around and take photos.”

His passion for the area’s history led Tim Dorsey to the Southeastern portion of Louisiana. He said, “In Louisiana, there are parishes instead of counties. Seven of the parishes were formed out of what was once West Florida Territory. There’s even a Republic of West Florida Parkway and it all used to be part of the Florida panhandle. The area was once controlled by the Spanish, but the English settlers stormed the Baton Rouge garrison and kicked the Spanish out. They set up the Republic of Florida, had their own legislature. They even wrote a constitution and had a flag.”

The thing that always got me was that in the movie their whole dream was to get to Florida.

This type of history leads to a culture with strong values—one intolerant of motorcycle-riding drug dealers like those in Easy Rider. “The thing that always got me,” said Dorsey, “was that in the movie their whole dream was to get to Florida. Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper were heading to paradise—the Promised Land. I’ve checked online and on the map. They would have to have been in St. Tammany parish, one of the Florida parishes. I decided to go back to the parishes and create the sequel to Easy Rider.”

“It all begins when Serge sees the movie and decides he’s going to find his own American dream where the movie left off. Just like the movie, he shuns interstates. He starts in the Florida parishes—basically, hitting the small towns. In Florida, they drive through one small town that’s completely corrupt and is lining someone’s pockets with fines from a speed trap.”

Because Tim Dorsey’s books deal with all things wild and wacky, he often receives comments from readers saying things like, “You think it’s so funny to make this stuff up.” In response, he tells them all he has to do is to keep up on current Florida events.

Now working on his twentieth novel, Dorsey finds the most difficult challenges to being a writer are mostly a matter of discipline. “To write, you have to squirrel yourself away. If you’ve got a life and a family, you’ve got to tend to that first. It’s not the challenges you would normally expect to hear. This job is a labor of love.”

Learn more about Tim Dorsey and Coconut Cowboy at timdorsey.com.

 

McKenna critiques the FBI email scam

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Business UnderworldSpecial Agent Erick Bolt. Ah, the very name conjures up memories of the 1965 TV series, “The F.B.I.,” starring the snappily dressed Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. The very cool thing about that old series was the F.B.I. Director J. Edgar Hoover served as a consultant until his death in 1972. Unfortunately, whoever sent the email claiming to be from Special Agent Erick Bolt should have hired his own consultant—this one’s bad. I can’t do justice to the absurdity of this email without passing along the text. So here’s the first paragraph. Booboos are in bold. MY CRITIQUE IS IN CAPS.

“I am Special Agent Erick Bolt from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Field Intelligence Groups (FIGs), we Intercepted (INCORRECT CAPITALIZATION) two consignment box  (PLURALIZATION) at JFK Airport, New York (THERE’S ANOTHER JFK AIRPORT?), the boxes were scanned but found out (EGADS, THE BOXES WERE FOUND OUT) that it (INCORRECT PRONOUN) contained large sum of money (YIKES! WHERE DO I START?) ($4.1 million) and also some backup documents which bears (SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT) your name as the Beneficiary/Receiver of the money (INCORRECT TERM? SHOULD BE MONEYS), (INCORRECT COMMA USAGE. USE PERIODS TO END A SENTENCE) Investigation carried out on the diplomat that accompanied the boxes into the United States (WAIT, WAS THE DIPLOMAT IN THE BOXES? HOW BIG ARE THESE, ANYWAY?), said that he was to deliver the fund (URAL-PLAY ON THE UND-FAY, OY-BAY Editors critique of McKenna’s critique: Pig Latin is not cool, not everyone may understand it.) to your residence as overdue payment owed to you by the Federal Republic of Nigeria through the security company in the United Kingdom.”

WHEW! That’s a lot of uh-ohs in one paragraph. We’ll be here all day if I do the whole thing, so let’s just say the whole grammar thing nets our sender a solid D. As they say, but wait! There’s more. What’s next?

“Meanwhile, we cross check all legal documents in the boxes but we found out that your consignment was lacking an important document and we cannot release the boxes to the diplomat until the document is found, right now we have no other choice than to confiscate your consignment.” Hmmm, makes sense. If the feds don’t have the paperwork—well, we all know where that goes.

The next paragraph lets me know what paperwork I’ll have to file with the IRS—thank you! But, then threatens me with charges of money laundering and currency violation.

“According to Internal Revenue Code (IRC) in Title 26 also contain reporting requirement on a Form 8300, Report of Cash Payment Over $10,000 Received in a Trade or Business, money laundering activity may violate 18 USC §1956, 18 USC 1957, 18 USC 1960, and provision of Title 31, and 26 USC 6050I of the United States Code (USC), this section will discuss only those money laundering and currency violation under the jurisdiction of IRS, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate from the joint team of IRS and IRC, therefore you need to reply back immediately for direction on how to procure this certificate to enable us relieved the charge of evading the law on you, which is a punishable offense in the United States.”

And now the threat that’s intended to galvanize me into action.
“You are required to reply back within 72hours or you will be prosecuted in a court of law for money laundering, also you are instructed to desist from further contact with any bank(s) or person(s) in Nigeria or the United kingdom or any part of the world regarding your payment because your consignment has been confiscated by the Federal Bureau here in the United States.”

After having thought it over carefully for all of two seconds, my reply to Special Agent Bolt is as follows. “Dear Special Agent Bolt: Thank youse for contacting me regarding this shipment of moneys. I reflectively must decline these shipment as your email was not delivered in timely manner due to USPS shipping error. McKenna.”

If you’re still with me, I’d love to hear what you thought of this one. You can leave a comment or share—it’s all good.

Behind the story of Death by Chocolate

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Death by Chocolate by Sally BerneathySally Berneathy is a USA Today Bestselling author who wrote fifteen romance novels ranging from comedy to dark suspense under the names Sally Carleen, Sally Steward, and Sara Garrett. The former winner of the National Readers’ Choice award talked about her Death by Chocolate series.

“Back in the ‘90s,” said Berneathy, “I wrote romance novels. However, Harlequin/Silhouette didn’t allow me to write with my quirky sense of humor. Add to that a love of chocolate and a nasty divorce creating a desire to write about murder rather than romance, and Death by Chocolate was born.”

Berneathy also said, “I personally test all the chocolate recipes in my books…most of them several times! My friends, neighbors and I are all gaining weight from my chocolate trials. I have not (yet) personally tested any of the methods of murder.”

Some writers start writing later in life. That is not the case for Berneathy. She started out young—very young. She said, “I grew up in a small rural town in southeastern Oklahoma where our favorite entertainment on summer evenings was to sit outside under the stars and tell stories. When I went to bed at night, instead of a lullaby, I got a story. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was eight years old and wrote my first story, a mystery. When I was taking journalism in college, I got very frustrated because I had to stick to the truth in those stories. I knew I could make them better if I could just be creative! Since that time, I’ve always stuck to fiction. My greatest delight is to tell stories that entertain.”

“Death by Chocolate” is about murder, mayhem, madness and chocolate. “Something for everyone,” joked Berneathy. She added, “Ex-husbands can be more annoying and harder to get rid of than a cold in summer and sometimes chocolate is the only thing that helps. Primarily my books focus on viewing life and murder with a sense of humor.”

In “Death by Chocolate,” Lindsay Powell’s only secret is the recipe for her chocolate chip cookies, but she is surrounded by neighbors with deadly secrets. Suddenly Lindsay finds herself battling poisoned chocolate, a dead man who doesn’t seem very dead, and a psycho stalker.

With all of those secrets surrounding Lindsay, it’s no wonder that she has thoughts like, “There wasn’t a weapon in sight. That’s what comes from having a clean house.”

Readers often wonder if writers get their ideas from real-life experiences. Berneathy’s story lends some insight. She said, “Recently, I had an encounter with a crazy man who bumped my new car, then went into a rage when I wrote down his license number. Fortunately a passerby stopped and intervened then called the police. I used the man’s license number to track him down and am making him a villain in my current work-in-progress. I haven’t decided if I’ll kill him yet, but I’m going to torture him a lot. Moral: Do not mess with a writer. We have words and we know how to use them.”

More information

Sally Berneathy is currently writing two mystery series: Death by Chocolate and Charley’s Ghost. The first books in both series, “Death by Chocolate” and “The Ex Who Wouldn’t Die,” made the USA Today Bestseller List. Learn more about Sally Berneathy on her website at www.sallyberneathy.com.

Kauai Temptations Book Giveaway

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If you like book giveaways, here’s one for you. A soft cover copy of my new McKenna Mystery, “Kauai Temptations” is on giveaway at Goodreads through October 31. The first blurb came in from New York Times Bestselling author Jenn McKinley, who called it, “More delicious than a Coconut Mocha Frap (and that’s saying something), this rambunctious, character driven whodunit, kept me laughing out loud while I wallowed in the exotic locale beside the engaging amateur sleuth Wilson McKenna as he unraveled a timely case involving identity theft and murder.  Terry Ambrose has penned a truly engaging, page turner of a mystery in Kauai Temptations.”

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Kauai Temptations by Terry Ambrose

Kauai Temptations

by Terry Ambrose

Giveaway ends October 31, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

 

McKenna on Duarte Festival of Books

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McKenna here, reporting in for Terry on the Duarte Festival of Books while he tries to sort out some sleep-pattern issues. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the hero in the McKenna Mysteries. I’m what Terry calls an amateur sleuth. Tell you what, I’ll let him have that one because the sun’s not up yet.

KTcoverlgSo, today is the festival in Duarte that the Friends of the Library sponsor to celebrate books and raise money for the library. It’s a long drive to Duarte from San Diego and it will begin with manly man hug from his buddy Brae Wyckoff for the drive up. On the way up, they’ll make a stop in Fallbrook to pick up that hot little British writer, Jenny Hilborne. With any luck at all, she’ll cop another quick feel when we meet.

In Rolling Stone, playwright/writer/actor Sam Shepard described Duarte as a “weird accumulation of things, a strange kind of melting pot – Spanish, Okie, Black, Midwestern elements all jumbled together. People on the move who couldn’t move anymore, who wound up in trailer parks.” Okay, so we’re going to this melting pot to talk books. And speaking of books and a melting pot, Terry’s going to be sharing a table with another San Diego author, Matt Coyle—who must have some sort of covert arrangement with Vroman’s Bookstore because he’s been talking about making trips between their table and the bookstore. . .sounds fishy to me. And then there will be the other members of the Murder, We Wrote group of authors. They’re reuniting for the day in Duarte. There are lots of panels and Terry’s on one of them to talk about “Who Dunnit?” Personally, I think his best bet is to sit back, shut up, and let me do the talking. We all know he’s not the fastest car on the track. Terry says he’s going to take pictures and twit or tweet them, but once he starts fumbling around with his equipment, well, we all know how that goes. Enough of this, it’s off to Duarte. Aloha, McKenna.

 

Wear your PJs through TSA?

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Apple, orange, or lemon
So is this idea an apple (crisp and clean with great potential), an orange (once you peel it back, the core is juicy), or a big lemon (it just plain sucks)? Leave a comment to let me know.

Aloha, McKenna here. Terry is off doing the TSA Two Step today, so I thought I’d do a little travel-tip post. I could give you the usual blah-blah tips like organize, wear shoes that come off easily, and all that stuff, but I’d rather talk about an innovative solution that could revolutionize the airline-travel industry.
Today’s security checks at airports involve a host of steps designed to stop crazies from getting on a plane. That’s all well and good, but if TSA wanted to make it easier and faster for people to get through those security checks, there’s a simple solution. Let people wear their PJs through the security checkpoint.
That’s right, PJs. It makes perfect sense. Right now, we get up, get dressed, go to the airport, get undressed for security, get dressed again after security, then wait two hours to board our flight. That’s pretty darned inefficient.
So, imagine the alternative. You get up in the morning and put your day’s stuff in your carryon bag. Head on out. At the airport, just walk through security—I mean, what are you going to hide under those pajamas? No shoes. No metal to detect. Nothing but, well, you. Then, on the other side, go to the changing room. Pop in and get dressed. Voila, you’re ready for the day.
The way I figure this, everyone saves a bundle of time. Just get up and go. Fewer worries. Fewer hassles. Now this might not catch on right away. But, if you give it a try, it might just start a movement.
I suppose TSA might be a little reluctant at first. I mean, think of all those body scanners they’ll no longer need. Maybe they could sell them on eBay?
Now that I’ve solved that problem, I’ve gotta go. And if you want to help brainstorm on this one, just leave a comment. Mahalo for listening, McKenna.